The Universe wants me to try it a different way. This morning I was about five minutes late running out the door. Trying to prep for a headshot first, but also have all my yoga clothes, props, shot list, etc ready to go. Hence, I was five minutes late and feeling that urge to make it up on the roads.
I was going about the speed limit in a construction area where they had pulled up pavement recently and POP goes the tire. Thankfully there was a place to pull over right there. I spent about ten minutes trying to do what seemed like fifty things on my phone at the same time, resulting in an increase of "have to fast" energy. You know, the kind of energy where you rev everything up - mind, heart, body, tension, blood pressure and circulation too I'm sure.
I made arrangements to cancel the shoot, cancel my two yoga classes for work tomorrow which are about 1.5 hours away, and get AAA on the way. Really, the way I got myself worked up... you'd have thought something much more serious had happened. I was very lucky - close to home and husband's work, relatively close to the tire shop, and my day job is very pleasant and understanding. Everything was and is fine... the shoot has been rescheduled for Friday. I actually got to talk to the photographer a bit once I calmed down. She is a friend of a friend and so I didn't do a lot of in depth planning with her - she got my shot list and sample photos of most everything yesterday. I think the job will be a bit bigger in scope than we planned so I'm happy to have talked with her a bit. I think it will go better Friday than it would have today.
So... this brings up quite the feeling of wonderment within me. Here I am, just cruising along, planning, planning planning, then executing. I'm very methodical and detail oriented. I spent yesterday planning for the shoot and had all my ducks in a row. I pride myself on accurate execution - good planning means things are done on time, on budget, etc. So one tire goes and it sent me into a place where I have tons of tension in the body to unlock. As my husband was driving me home from the tire shop, I had the urge to scream. I don't mean a high pitched girl-sees-mouse-in-the-fifties scream. I mean a power scream from the alto range. Nothing but rage.
When reality disagrees with my expectations I have deep patterns. I have worked a lot on this in the past few years, but apparently it's still there - probably will always be there, just have to work on how I recognize it first, then handle it. So I'm relaxing and unwinding, appreciating the rainy day in my living room with my kitties abounding. Since I did a blasting hard Bikram practice at 6am to open up my body and get loose before the shoot, I'm going to relax today for sure!
Thanks from the deepest part of me for your support about the photo shoot. It's going to happen! And with all the kind words, I'm feeling great about "putting myself out there." Namaste friends.
3 comments:
A phrase I heard Yogi Amrit Desai say and that I frequently repeat is, "Expectations are frustrations waiting to happen."
Glad to read you have moved into the flow of the moment.
love you. I'm so glad you were able to tap into the internal and external energies that can help you get through something maddening like that. It's a battle to work against situations as frustrating as they might be and I think you you managed to move through this one with grace...
T - indeed. but how do you go "expectation free?" Or is the goal just to know that about your expectations - that they can cause suffering and often do.
J - <3 I try :)
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