Ellen Fein, the evening’s host, and genesis of the project, mirrored the sunshine with her chartreuse top and jewelry, which complimented her open and enthusiastic manner. Jennifer Szymaszek, the project videographer, hustled around, lovely in kelly green, with an abundant smile, as she oversaw the nervy moments before her series of film shorts came to life.
I wandered outside the Montpelier Senior Center to direct
fellow community members to the screening room.
Upon my return, the room buzzed with palpable excitement and
authenticity. I recognized some of the
film subjects as they arrived, some nervous, and some beaming, to see
themselves writ large, on the big screen.
The Montpelier yoga community was represented, as well as friends and
family.
Where are all the people?
Oh, here they are!!
Yoga for Health and Healing is a series of short films
documenting individual’s use of yoga in their own healing journeys. Ellen introduced the project to a packed
room. She wanted to show how real people
use the personal practice of yoga as a means to manage real issues in their
lives, and how the tools can be learned by anyone. These films affirm yoga’s status as a
learned, personal, healing tool as opposed to a spandex-fest for 20-something
ballerinas.
The subject of our first story is a breast cancer survivor,
who lived her whole life as a Type-A personality. She became unable to practice as she always
had, with severe restrictions in her neck and shoulder due to cancer-related
surgeries. Her warm and measured words
rang through the room, and a ripple of laughter erupted as she described how
she now chants in Sanskrit in the shower.
She embodied a sense of contentment and reflection, and noted how she
seemed different to herself – in a positive way.
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| audience perspective |
In the second vignette, we viewed the story of Linda, a survivor of chronic pain. She was plagued by injury and terrible hip pain throughout her life. It’s hard to imagine the transformation she had gone through as she appeared so vibrant, happy, and truly radiant in the film. Her enthusiasm abounded, seeming to spill out over the edges of the screen. She was full of giggles as she described herself as pain-free, able to move, and “just a kinder, gentler person.”
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| image compliments of youngwomenshealth.org - this is just a model of what scoliosis looks like in some cases |
The tension in the room mounted with the story of a student
who experienced severe trauma, in the loss of family members in a fire that she
witnessed. Personally, as the mother of
a two-year old, I wept. I wept at the
pain she must have felt and the terribly hard and long PTSD recovery that is
still ongoing. We heard her account of
developing a home practice that helped her keep her nervous system in
check. She had lived in “fight or
flight” mode (sympathetic nervous system activation) for quite some time after
the event. The practice she and Ellen
crafted together became a means of feeling safe in her own body again. She was able to create more parasympathetic
nervous system activation that helped her with her sense of panic.
This story has had a profound effect on me, and my sense of human survival in the face of grave trauma. This story may not be shared publicly due to privacy concerns. But I want to write about the power of hearing a mantra put to use. She spoke of a mantra that I’ve heard from Ellen before – It goes something like this:
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| image compliments of meetup.com |
May my heart be open
May I dwell in my heart
May I find healing
May my
healing inspire
the healing of others
the healing of others
She said, “That’s why I’m here, talking with you – to be true to this, and to help other survivors.” This is the true meaning and use of mantra. It had seeped into her consciousness and body through practice, and became the way she got through her days of heaviest grief to “continue to put one foot in front of the other.” As the lights came up for intermission I reached out to Jennifer, sitting next to me, and my friend and colleague Linda, for supportive hugs. It took everything I had to hold the huge heaving sobs inside my body.
It was mostly dark, by intermission, and the room was full
of humanity. Attendees were so
moved. Even the interviewees had not
seen the finished product of their own interviews, and showed a tremendous
amount of curiosity toward the other stories.
It was hard for me to say anything more about intermission, as I was
trying to hold it together. I can say,
with authority, that many delicious cookies, warm tea, and other delights were
enjoyed thoroughly.
We returned to our seats and shared our time with Dick, the
next subject. Dick describes himself as
an empiricist, and a lover of unexpectedly beautiful moments in life. His jovial manner provided a sort of
companionship. He talked about yoga as a
tool for helping him rise comfortably in the morning, as an 80-something year
old. He said that yoga has helped him be
present to discover more of those special moments that mark our journey as
humans. And, he was another voice in
support of the practice of chanting in Sanskrit, in all its mystery.
We then witnessed Andy’s story. He worked with Ellen before he developed
intestinal cancer, treating more everyday injuries, like knee pain that kept
him from running. Ellen was able to
continually adapt his practice as they chased his pain around his body. After a short while of working together, Andy
found himself in the hospital repeatedly, and ended up with intestinal cancer,
requiring removal of a few feet of intestine.
Andy shared how Ellen visited him in the hospital. He said that he missed practicing, and she
encouraged him to practice in his mind, moving the energy around. Andy comes from a family that has strong
healing traditions, and described his mantras used in practice, and the effects
they had on him. His breathing practices
in the hospital granted him a sense of peace.
He used a visualization technique Ellen taught him, of imagining
himself, then the room he was in, then the hospital, the state, the country,
the earth, and the galaxy. It helped him
in the face of the unknown, his possible death from this serious illness. As he slowly returned to health, Ellen
continued to modify and adapt to his condition, and the effects of different
medication on his ability to practice, or even to stand. Andy, today, is the embodiment of childlike
wonder, housed in a grown-up’s body.
.jpg/300px-NGC_4414_(NASA-med).jpg) |
| image compliments of wikipedia |
Finally, the story of Ondis graced the screen. Ondis is living with breast cancer, a disease
that closes in on her daily. She
practices “yoga for dying,” as she refers to it, with a wry smile. Her wit and her love shine through as she
talks about her conception of the end of her life. She brings mantra and gesture into her
practice, even when sitting behind the wheel of her car in daily life. The yoga Ellen has taught her has given her
dignity and grace, in the face of a terminal illness. She hopes to leave this life without
struggle. She was in the audience, with
a friend, and imbued the qualities she discussed in the film even as we watched
her story.
The lights came up again, and we all looked around, as if
dazed by our human condition. I think we
were all inspired at a level so much deeper than where we live each day. The stories of joy in the face of so much
pain were profound. After the films, a
discussion followed about how much preparation had occurred before shooting,
(none), and how both Ellen and each interviewee learned so much about the
experience of the yoga by talking about it and documenting it. I have a deep respect for Ellen, a
professional mentor to me, and to Jennifer, a colleague and a tremendous video
artist and storyteller. Their clarity
and openness created the atmosphere of acceptance; the field in which these
seed-stories blossomed toward the light.
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| image compliments of goldgary.wordpress.com |
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