Wow. I'm sure when it's all said and done I will have gone through so much more at training than I have gone through in the last two weeks, but really, it has been an unbelieveable experience preparing to leave everything I know for nine weeks and embark on a major challenging event in my life.
The nerves, jitters, vomiting butterflies, general anxiety, waves of nausea, and feelings of doubt and abject terror have ruled my life. I have worked hard to pull myself out of the darkness that came when I felt an old injury in my foot coming back to life. I searched out my friends to ask for their gifts - a healing, a dinner with my fellow teachers, a massage, some flower essences... I do feel that my loved ones are filling me and surrounding me with blessings of hope and a safe journey.
I have experienced so much movement in my body experience of the pain in my foot. So many doubts and fears are residing there right now. All the injuries down the left side of my body are gathering forces to remind me to honor my inner goddess, the Divine Feminine, while I go into this masculine experience of "hardcore" yoga. I have struggled for my whole life to remain in touch with my intuition and mystical dark forces that dance around my life experience. My masculine, goal oriented, driven aspects have long ruled my life, and I promise here and now to give my all to contacting my inner self, my higher self, my intuition, my gut, my guidance. I will not give up my sovereignty to this training. I will always have the right to stay within, to find the stillness within, to commune with myself, to witness.
I enter the training with no goals except to stay in Vegas and get my money's worth. I have no expectations for my physical practice. I hope to rely on the form of the yoga and not get too caught up in the messages of "get me outta here" that I'm sure to receive as I practice. I hope to change that channel when it comes through loud and clear. I hope to connect with my spirit of playfulness during this journey.
I hope to enjoy connecting with new people while noticing interpersonal drama and steering clear of it.
I hope and I pray for the inner guidance and strength to guide me as I attempt to surrender the ego completely. I hope to turn the brain off and give it all up to the heart, and to stand in truth.
1 comment:
Make sure to pack a sense of humor too, Anna! All the craziness and nerves can't get to you if you're laughing at the absurdity of it, rather than fearing it. And also I hope that, as you take this brave step away from home, what's familiar, and your loved ones, you can approach it as an ADVENTURE, in which you're in the role of the hero!
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