Thoughts before I leave for training!

Wow. I'm sure when it's all said and done I will have gone through so much more at training than I have gone through in the last two weeks, but really, it has been an unbelieveable experience preparing to leave everything I know for nine weeks and embark on a major challenging event in my life.

The nerves, jitters, vomiting butterflies, general anxiety, waves of nausea, and feelings of doubt and abject terror have ruled my life. I have worked hard to pull myself out of the darkness that came when I felt an old injury in my foot coming back to life. I searched out my friends to ask for their gifts - a healing, a dinner with my fellow teachers, a massage, some flower essences... I do feel that my loved ones are filling me and surrounding me with blessings of hope and a safe journey.

I have experienced so much movement in my body experience of the pain in my foot. So many doubts and fears are residing there right now. All the injuries down the left side of my body are gathering forces to remind me to honor my inner goddess, the Divine Feminine, while I go into this masculine experience of "hardcore" yoga. I have struggled for my whole life to remain in touch with my intuition and mystical dark forces that dance around my life experience. My masculine, goal oriented, driven aspects have long ruled my life, and I promise here and now to give my all to contacting my inner self, my higher self, my intuition, my gut, my guidance. I will not give up my sovereignty to this training. I will always have the right to stay within, to find the stillness within, to commune with myself, to witness.

I enter the training with no goals except to stay in Vegas and get my money's worth. I have no expectations for my physical practice. I hope to rely on the form of the yoga and not get too caught up in the messages of "get me outta here" that I'm sure to receive as I practice. I hope to change that channel when it comes through loud and clear. I hope to connect with my spirit of playfulness during this journey.

I hope to enjoy connecting with new people while noticing interpersonal drama and steering clear of it.

I hope and I pray for the inner guidance and strength to guide me as I attempt to surrender the ego completely. I hope to turn the brain off and give it all up to the heart, and to stand in truth.

DONE AND DONE

I'm going out on a limb to say my summer yoga challenge is done. 100 classes! Some of these at the end have been seriously modified due to foot pain and the need to rest before training. I leave on Sunday morning.

I will do my best to update here about how I'm doing.

2 down 7 more

I may drop off on posting till I leave for training... there's nothing of interest to report. I sent off my stuff, I'm practicing some but not overdoing it, seeing friends and family, and waiting for the journey to begin!

9 more and a milestone

9 more classes till I hit 100 for the summer.

I have sealed my envelope with my final payment (till I get back, when I'll have 3,000 more to pay off), my medical waiver, letter of recommendation, and photos. I'm off to mail it now!

12 more classes

The studio has been closed for a week so I've done a lot of home practice. I have been feeling some strange twinges all over - especially in my knee. I just try to be calm and know that the yoga really does heal everything if I can practice and be mindful and careful.

I have less to say about any one class... I can't wait to practice in the studio again. In the studio - the teacher says it, you do it. At home, sometimes I struggle to keep myself motivated to, say, stay in floor bow for the entire time I should.

My home yoga closet was 110 yesterday. I don't have a humidity monitor but I had a humidifier going full blast for quite a while before I started. It just felt great. I hope I'm heat-ready.

The last 3.5 weeks before I leave are kind of bittersweet. I feel nerves mixed with glee mixed with anticipation and wanting to go right now. However I need this last bit of work to get things done and get the whole thing paid for. This Friday I'll send my final payment (but will still have 3000 to pay off when I return.) So I guess that's final payment for now.

17 to go until 100 classes

Feeling strong in my practice. I'm feeling relaxed and happy. I'm not struggling to "fix" my practice anymore before I leave. I just want to appreciate what I have - great alignment in all postures and good focus. Sure, my standing head to knee is still an abomination. Sure my standing bow pulling pose is super wobbly - but pretty when I can get into it without falling.

Sure I fall out of balancing stick just about as much as I stay in it.

Sure these are the complicated looking poses that everyone kind of checks each other out as they practice - but I will be fine, my practice is fine, I hope to not make a big deal at training. I don't need to meet Bikram or get really involved. I'm there as a personal practice. I'm there to meet a great physical challenge with my best, to try to not let the sleep deprivation get the best of me, to deliver and nail down that dialog, and to come home happy, healthy, strong, and trim.

I can't fail by doing my best. And sometimes giving or performing at my best means backing off and resting. Woo hoo! Vegas here I come!