End of week 8... Thanksgiving

Well... I have had a tough couple of weeks really... I haven't written much because I have felt strongly that I have nothing positive to say and I didn't want to be negative. Week six, seven, and the first few days of week 8 were a real grind. I did not feel the end was in sight, nor was it until now. The schedule was long, hectic, unforgiving, and the classes just pile up. The sheer amount of yoga in the hot room is pretty unimagineable. Many times I had the thought "don't look down... I'm doing this. I'm really doing this." I read many accounts of training and I knew exactly what I was getting into but I had no conception of how it would feel and how tough I would become in this process.

The last few weekends have been studying studying and more studying... getting four or five postures memorized a weekend, which leaves little time for resting and relaxation, which is really what we need. My body is hamburger. I was feeling very strong (with the requisite days of weakness and inability to do much physically that comes with the strong days) and making progress in my practice then in about the middle of week seven my foot pain came roaring back and I had to sit an entire standing series, in abject fear that this would sideline me for good. I have tried to explore the idea of being curious about the sensation while trusting that the yoga would continue to heal me. Thankfully I am feeling much better and had a twinge free (muscle spasm free) class this morning. Posture clinics have been quite challenging, I sang like an opera singer in one. They had no idea but singing in front of people is definitely a stress button to push in me... more stressful than the posture clinic in fact. It's funny how they find your exact buttons to push to get you out of your comfort zone here.

Yesterday we delivered our last posture "final spinal" in the lecture tent on stage. Our group was lucky enough to end there, where we can stomp and cheer and hoot and holler. The week had really been dragging for me and I was feeling extremely negative, withdrawing, not wanting to be around people, not wanting to practice... just a large dose of don't wanna taking over. But that posture clinic really perked me up, then we had a class taught by bikram last night and a great lecture by Lynn Whitlow that really did bring so much of training together for us. This morning instead of the back to back we were all expecting we got one class (a great class) and were given the day off except for a great turkey dinner given by Bikram for us all. Wow did I need some time off.

I feel extremely thankful for my health, my practice, my family, Jonas, the kitties, my roommate, this experience, all the things and people who encouraged me to come, this country, everything. This morning I worked so hard in class. I gave it my everything. I'm proud of the minute differences I can see and feel in my practice. I miss everyone. I can't wait to come home. It's official, one week from Saturday I'm on a plane. I cannot wait.