A** on a platter

image compliments of redbubble.com

First trimester plus jet lag plus triangle = complete collapse.

I had a brutal practice yesterday.  Though I entered and left the room with a smile on my face.  This pic is of a thorn flower, because practicing yesterday was a thorn in my side.

I took a week off to go on vacation (which was booked before we got the positive pregnancy test.)  We had a wonderful time.  It was like a honeymoon, only four years delayed.  I managed to stay away from nausea and have a good time.  The travel there and back was tough - especially dealing with the six hour time difference.

I had a pretty good idea that yesterday would be difficult.  Just walking into the hot room felt uncomfortable.  Bad sign.  In pranayama, I was dripping sweat and struggling a bit.  By the end of the warm up, I knew it was not to be a great class.

I did not kick out in standing head to knee, but still, by the second set of standing bow, I was kneeling about every other set.  I felt waves of nausea and lightheadedness when I tried to stand up for tree/toe stand so I just went into savasana.  I noticed I was pretty clenched - uncomfortable... even my face showed it I'm sure.  It's tough as a teacher to be sitting out so much of class.  I don't have a baby bump and only the teachers know I'm pregnant so it's a real ego check to practice appropriately and take care of myself.

The spine strengthening series is difficult for me to begin with as my breasts are sore.  Last night I was barely picking myself up a few inches.  Bow pose was a joke.  By fixed firm I couldn't believe how badly I was feeling and felt the need to leave the room and get some electrolytes to mix with my water (I use Ultima).

I completed most of the rest of class... first set of camel was a no go, but I did do the second set.  I did the super beginner modification of rabbit (hands on the floor).  Seperate leg head to knee with stretching happened at about 50% of my normal effort and strength as did spine twist, and I did some exhales on the floor (supine) as people did kapalabhati breathing.

I was toast.  I was dripping sweat.  It was amazing.  I got home and had to have OJ mixed with water and I rested on the couch.

So... I'm looking forward to getting my practice back little by little.  I know the jet lag and return to work were complicating factors.  And, when you take time off you always pay for it!

I'm............ PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!

Image compliments of blogs.warwick.ac.uk

Hilariously enough... I'm not going "facebook-public" with this news.  So if I do happen to know you, email me, let's celebrate, but please don't mention anything on Facebook yet!  Most of my friends and family don't read my blog, and I wanted to sort of explain what's been going on with me recently, and how it's been affecting my life and yoga practice.

So we did start trying in July, and things have been incredibly rocky all the way through until about a week ago.  My body was not exactly acting according to my plans, and it was making me kind of crazy.  I had an incredibly difficult time accepting what was going on.  I hardly had the energy to practice consistently and did not have the positivity I always try to connect with when I write.  Thus... blog silence for the most part.  Though I believe people like to read the truth, I also believe that if you're going to put things out there in the universe, err on the side of being positive.  If you don't have something positive to say, maybe it's best to hang back.

I struggled with exercise, turned to food, and slipped a bit into a bare minimum style of living, where getting through the day and getting home seemed like an incredible triumph.

So a week ago today I took a pregnancy test and it was positive!!!  I'm ecstatic.  I know it's quite early on in the process but my policy has been to tell many people I'm close to in my daily life.  First of all I have absolutely no poker face and second of all if something does happen I would want all the support I can get.

So now begins the joys and challenges of practicing Bikram while pregnant, and just, in general, living while pregnant!  I already find it challenging to be in the hot room and notice that because of the increased blood in my system, the increased demands on the heart of pumping said blood, that I get to that heart-slamming place a lot faster than I used to.

I have made a policy for a while of staying out of the front row and kind of minding my own business in the back of the room so as to keep from getting my ego involved in my practice.  It's medicine, and it doesn't matter what the poses look like, it's what's right for you on any given day.  Blank slate.  What does this mean for my practice so far?  Sometimes I have to spend a little time in standing bow set up just literally catching my breath.  Kicking out in head to knee is optional though I've been doing it (hence the need to catch my breath in standing bow.)  The spine strengthening series all I can say is OW OW OW OW!  When I'm on my belly.  Locust pose I've stopped smashing my breasts with my arms which means I can't get my hands together.

Everything else is still normal.

Teaching... wow.  This is where I feel it.  I get out of breath and sometimes have to stop talking to catch my breath.

The physiological effects of pregnancy are so fascinating to me.  It's like I'm my own science experiment for the next eight months or so.  I'm looking forward to blogging about it.  I do intend to keep this blog as a yoga blog and I don't intend to turn it into a baby blog or anything.  I'm not a big fan of kid blogs because I think it violates the privacy of the child.  Who wants to know that mom posted pics of you in the bath when you were little??? Really???

In general I'm grateful for this gift, this experience, and the strength I needed to get through a challenging time. I couldn't have asked for a more positive and awesome conclusion to that chapter and I'm excited for the new story that's just beginning.  Namaste all friends.